nanashi

Would you like me to do this? No? Didn’t think so.

I like to play but I don’t like 24/7. I said so repeatedly. Concepts like slavery and rape only become desirable when they are divorced from reality. I understand that actual victims of these things, people who were really enslaved or raped, are crept out by people like me who use these terms in an almost belittling way.

I’m sorry for that and although I most probably can’t begin to understand the true horrors of these concepts it’s exactly that what makes them so fascinating. It’s a matter of degrees really, we all become victims of crimes of different scopes and we all have mixed reactions towards them. Experienced in small doses the positive reactions may even prevail, or maybe if the one who dishes out the humiliation also offers a lot of positive things we may forget that the crimes are actually despicable and not part of a package of a gift.

When part of play it might even be desirable to up the degree of humiliation, to go to your limits, to get more than you bargained for. You might even understand at one point why this is not really desirable. When you finally reach your limit.

I often stress the potential of games to turn you into a criminal. This doesn’t mean that games should turn decent people into monsters but rather, by comparing the acts done in the game to one’s own actions in life, one is confronted with their own inner monster and has to acknowledge their own indecency.

And yes, being evil can also be empowering. When part of consensual play this is a very good thing. But then it’s not really all that empowering, is it? The power is an illusion, a fake gift given by the one really in power. The criminal pretending to be the victim. You really want to be in control, dictate the rules, teach the criminal a lesson.

Or maybe make them remember that they really are a victim after all and don’t just pretend to be. Anyway, you crossed so many lines and did it so often, it cannot be justified anymore. If it could ever. Stop pretending your actions compare to mine or that it would even validate them if it were true. Or that I ever wanted any of this.

I understand that security cams offer just that, security, but if they are used as a tool for trolling I refuse to excuse them.

You so funny guys. But keep trying.

You must have suspected me to see you as just a ticket to SEX, or at least to the matrix forum. In fact I couldn’t care less about the one and only forum or SEX when I can get sex instead. Today, tomorrow and twice on the day after that one. Really, info can be lurked and if people don’t want me to contribute I don’t mind them having it their way. It compliments my general lazyness. And while SEX provides more interesting work they’re also too demanding. See BELOW for details.

But it becomes more and more clear that you really see me as (just?) a ticket to hell. Well I got news for you. I (capitalized for emphasis) am not the one who should apologize to anyone. Or play stupid roles in stupid scenarios. Especially if they involve gitantei traps (or don’t they?).

Also, I hate pets. And I don’t want children. And sorry for spilling your salad thrice over.

Almost one and a half years ago we here at the heavenly factory got a new colleague from the SEX factory. He was such an obvious troll, his appearance served as quite the wake up call for the then still somewhat disabled(ified) me. His fascination for babelfishes and his mocking of their poor capabilities was quite hilarious, kind of like a a combine harvester pitying a Porsche, which, for all its speed, could never hope to do the work of the harvester either.

There will always be people who will favor the Porsche no matter what as they prefer speed over usefulness but very few people who actually understand the difference of the Porsche and the combine harvester. And then there’s the occasional harvester which can almost keep up with the Porsche even on a highspeed road.

Anyway, this former SEX pawn got his first taste of real babelfishing working with me, which, while not going according to his master’s plan, gave me all kind of information which I’m still trying to figure out what exactly can be trusted. Once or twice he mentioned his superior at the SEX factory, where he was just a bug hunter. If I wasn’t writing this entry in English you might be able to tell the sex of said superior from the grammar but since I am I should tell you that it was a she.

Those trolls, they can become zombies or they can become crystals. This one failed hard. Then there’s another one who now makes me suffer for all the trolls I made fail. There’s an important difference between male and female trolls, you know. I’m much more likely to forgive female trolls (and allow myself to fall for their traps) as I at least can delude myself I might someday bury my sword in them.

It seems I feel the truth much earlier than I actually understand it but at some point it dawned on me that my current favorite troll girl is probably that SEX troll’s superior. And even though everything I know about her might be fake there’s things that tell you more about a person than what they show you deliberately, be it in RL or on the internet. Like facial expressions.

That’s right, I fell in love with that girl because of the looks she gave me. Looks that could never hide her true feelings (or maybe never even tried). Looks that often scared me but that also were so truthful I couldn’t help but form a bond as strong as the one I think I felt from her.

I don’t want to be tickled by anyone but her and I love seeing her reactions when I tickle her back. I may not be perfect, don’t expect me to be perfect, but she’s perfect for me.

The onlooker deconstructed the law hero and he deconstructed the chaos hero and they blamed him for that. Buffy refused to be normal again and they blamed the weed for that.

The truth is, you can’t program people. You just cannot.

The responsibility lies with the individual. And you don’t substitute one human instrumentality project with another.

Message to the German shepherd humping panku bando vampire brat: I love you. Everybody is me, everybody is anybody, but I love you.